Going to the grocery store high is one of my favorite activities because I never know how it’ll end. In fact, I think of the experiences as the new official America’s Pastime. It could be a quick errand where I run in there, grab a box of baby spinach and some pineapples, and be back out of the door in 274 seconds flat. Or it could be an absolute adventure where I’m there for hours, just wandering the aisles aimlessly in search of the perfect munchies, even though I only came for paper towels and toothpaste. Most of the time it’s the latter; and I absolutely love it. It’s like the Ancient Greek philosopher Forrestine Gumpicus once said, “Going to the grocery store stoned is like a box of chocolates: ya never know what you’re gonna get.”
Now, I could sit here all day and talk to you about why being stoned at the grocery store is a top five everyday experience, but for now I’ll scale it back to just a few reasons.
Pros of Grocery Shopping While Stoned
It’s a Calming Experience
87% of the time, grocery shopping is a solo activity, which means the grocery store is the perfect place for some uninterrupted Me Time. No one’s bothering you with their political opinions, you aren’t stressing about the thousands of unread emails in your inbox, that rapidly approaching writing deadline doesn’t even seem to matter. All you’re focused on is finding that perfect bag of spinach for your morning smoothies.
That’s why I love grocery shopping so much. I can’t explain it, but something about walking up and down those aisles is just so calming to me. I can literally feel the stresses of life fall from my shoulders as I pass by the cans of Chef Boyardee. Toss in the calming effects of cannabis and it becomes a truly euphoric experience. Just be aware that if you get too high, the anxiety and paranoia of being in the wild might hit you like a freight train and suddenly it’s like holy shit I have to get out of here immediately. (This is also the case for pretty much every single place that isn’t my house.)
You’ll Discover New Snacks
Did you know Nabisco combined the cookie forces of Chips Ahoy and Oreo to produce THIS:
Neither did I, but thanks to me being high at the grocery store, we do now. I’m one of those people that eats out almost every meal, so when I go grocery shopping, I tend to only grab the essentials. However, one night I had a lot of time to kill and decided to wander up and down every single aisle at Tom Thumb (my local store) to see if I was missing out on any snacks.
Long story short: I was. Not only did they have the Chips Ahoy/Oreo creme boys, they also had like six other flavors I didn’t know existed. It was one of the most blissful experiences of my life.